I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
