Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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