I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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