don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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