my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
