after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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