He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize