he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
