I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize