You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
