Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
