i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
