as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
