god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
