You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
