Do you still have your period?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
