is your mom at the bar?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
