you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
