so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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