i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
