You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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