According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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