I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
