Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
