i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
