All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
