You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
