Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
