So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
