I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Your penis caused this!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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