we have pet lesbian snakes
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
