SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Pants are for mortals
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize