so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
