i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize