Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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