he shaved USA in his pubs
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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