Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
