I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
