i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
