Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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