I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize