I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
