My liver just broke up with me...
i think i have herpe
just one?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
