Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
