I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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