Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
