I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize