guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
