the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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