How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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