I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
