sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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