oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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