Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
