just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
