you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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