how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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