There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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