whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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