My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
