I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
